“CountdowN tO hEartachE (ReliviNg thE past)”
February 10th, 20095….
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BanG!!!!!!
MaybE tHis cOuNtdowN tO ValentiNes day wiLL be apprEaciatEd by lovERs oUt thEre, bUt fOr sOmEOne likE me whO dO nOt havE “SOMEONE”, weLL, gOodlUck.
I am reaLLy nOt intO datiNg and haviNg fun witH my malE acquiantanCes, maybE tHats onE of thE thOusand rEasOn why I am stiLL “SINGLE” at this agE of minE. As iN singlE siNcE I was dElivEred iNto tHis wOrld.
SomE say that nO onE in this world is single. Its just that we arE “takEn” by differEnt apprOachEd. SomE were “TAKEN” by thEir “SOMEONE” to be carEd of and to be lovE, howevEr, some were beiNg “TAKEN”…. as iN takEn for graNted.
WeLL, to be hOnest, I really didnt havE even the slightest idea why I am writing this post. I dont knOw why i feel the UrgE to writE my seNtimeNts and blah, blah, blah. Maybe its becaUse Im single and I dOnt havE a date this valantines day. Hehehehe… It hurts yOu knOw.
MaybE I look like happy and coNtentEd as what I always say, but beHind thOse smilEs and gas formiNg laUghtErs, I am hurtiNg iNsidE. I feLt as if nO oNe uNderstaNds me, eVeN my clOsest friEnds. I feeL that I caNt sHarE my fEEliNgs witH anyOnE of my friEnds bEcaUse I knOw thEy wiLL nevER undErstanD wHat I am fEEliNG iNsidE. I dOnt waNt thEm to pity me, I dOnt waNt to bE patHetic, cOz I knOw hOw it fEels coz I alrEady fElt tHat befOre.
Just an hOur agO, whiLe Im cLeanIng my cabiNet and orgaNiziNg my thiNgs, I saw a plastiC enVelOpe. WheN i opeN it, I saw my memorabilias, all thosE letters and pictUres takEn whEn I was in High SchOol. Memories of joy and laughter, of tears and sorrow, of heartachE and “kiLig” mOmeNts, of anxiOusnEss and bittErnEss, of victOry and succEss fLoodEd my miNd. I gOt carriEd away tHat befOre i knEw it, a tEar feLL frOm my eyEs. LuckiLy, I haD my dOOr lOckEd aNd nobody sees mE cryiNg at tHat timE. As I rEad evEry lettEr and pagEs of my nOtEboOk, I remEmbEr thOse peopLe whOm I usEd tO sHarE my tiMes wiTh and evEn my darkEst secrets.
I alsO remEmbEr this bOy whO happEnEd tO bE thE first pErsOn tO makE me cry. He is “EAGLE”, just his codEnamE causE i knOw mOst of my friEndstEr herE knOw hiM. He is a simplE bOy bacK thEn, bUt he has managEd tO takE my brEatH away. WhhoooaaahhhhHHH….. I fElt I aM reliviNg thE past aNd I fElt varioUs emOtioNs, as if Im gOiNg to bUrst iN any mOmeNt. I stiLL fElt sOmethiNg fOr hiM, “SOMETHING” evEn I couldnt explaiN. Why do stiLL fEEl it whEn it happenEd way back iN high schOol. Say 3-4 yEars agO, aNd I am stiLL affectEd??? I cOuldnt beliEvE it.
But I just realizEd tHat whEn yOu lOve someOnE, evEn aftEr the firE was gonE, thEre wiLL stiLL be somE fragmeNts that wiLL be left. BecaUse I believE that lOve neVer diEs, it just fades as timEs gOes by. I stiLL carE fOr hiM, yEs, causE he bacamE a part of mE. He becamE my inspiratiOn aNd hE has tHis spacE iN my hEart. MaybE its nOt as strOng as befOre, but thEre werE stiLL somE lOve left iN me fOr hiM.
Haizt,,, ValeNtiNes day rEally affEcts mE. WeLL, i bElivE tHat wHat happEnEd was gOd-giVeN beCause I am abLe to lOOk back and havE a rEality chEck tHat I and “HIM” wiLL nEvEr havE a happy eNdiNg tOgEthEr. MaybE he alrEady havE hEr priNcEss riGht nOw. I criEd, yEs, bUt it onLy helps mE tO sEE tHe nExt days witH a bettEr and cLearEr viEw. Now, I caN say tHat Im strOngEr thaN befOre aNd tHat I am cOnfidEnt tHat I caN bE casUal tO hiM, if evEr we mEet iN thE fUturE aNd tHat I am rEady, rEally rEady and EagEr tO lEavE hiM iN thE past….:)
