“Confessions”
Its bEen quitE a lOng tiMe sinCe I fOund mysElf beiNg worriEd abOut a tHing. MaybE 2 to 3 yEars agO???? Its nOt a nicE feEliNg to tElL yOu. Its likE hanGing yOursElf at thE edgE of thE clifF whiLe evErybody starEs at yOu and yOu arE bLamiNg yOursElf why yOu arE oN tHat sitUatiOn. Its vEry tiriNg and enErgy cOnsumiNg, welL, though yOurE nOt rEally dOiNG anytHing. If I dO havE a cHoicE, I wOnt let mysElf bE oN tHat sitUatiOn or may I say oN tHat sitUatiOn again. Though thEy say tHat wE always havE a cHoicE aNd its up to us whO or wHat wilL we chOose, thEre wilL always bE a tiMe whEre wE wilL fEel tHat wE havE nO chOicE bUt to fEel it or dO it, hOw stupiD may it seem. And nOw, evEn hOw strOng I may lOok likE or hOw positivE my dispositions are, I feEl worriEd anD anxiOus. I doNt rEally wantEd tO taLkEd abOut it or tO lEt otHers knOw it, but I fEel as iF I dOnt havE a cHoicE. I wantEd to spEak up, tO opEn my hEart, tO lEt my emOtions flOw, aNd to lEt my fEeliNgs bE hEarD. Im rEally worriEd and anxiOus about wHat Im cUrrEntLy fEeliNg. Im nOt usUally bOthErEd by anytHing especiaLLy whEn it cOmEs tO lOvE and relationship, bUt evErytHing dO cHangE. As thE days passed aNd as I slEep at nigHT, I jUst tHougHt of wHen wilL I bE lOvED???? By soMeonE whOm I alsO lOvE. This sEasOn mUst bE cElEbratEd especialLy by lOvErs caUsE its thE lOvE mOntH. Just rEceNtLy, I dOnt fEel likE alOne or saD wiTh thE thOugHt tHat its fEbrUary, its 2009, aNd Im 19, yEt I dOnt havE a spEciaL sOmeOnE. But just aN hOur agO as I glanCe On Our calEndar, I jUst rEalizEd tHat 10 days aNd it wiLL bE thE hEarts day. I fEel likE somEonE stabBed me. I fEel likE Im alOne. I fEel likE Im thE ugLiEst girL liviNg thOugH i kNow Im not:p. Haizt, I dOnt kNow hOw tO dEal witH it. I knOw I shOuld bEliEvE and havE faitH tHat my maN wiLL cOme on thE rigHt timE and rigHt sitUatiOn. I knOw I must nOt lEt mysElf bE emOtiOnaL and let my EyEs bE bLiNd on wHat I mUst suppOsE to see and bEliEve. WeLL Im dEaliNg witH it oN tHis vEry mOment whiLe I’m enCodiNg tHis pOst. I shOulD bE strOng aNd I knOw I rEalLy am. I jUst waNtEd to sHarE it caUse I knOw thE mOre Im kEepiNg it On mysElf, tHe mOrE I wiLL bE worriEd and anxiOus. WeLL I knOw I must bE gratEfuL fOr I havE tHis bLog wHerE I caN tEll my stOriEs and my sEntiMents. Wahahaha….:)
